(All I Want Is) Two Bossy Academics and Their Walking Space Disaster
by MayFairy
Summary: Twelve and Clara run into Six and Evelyn in the middle of a storm, and Evelyn insists on warming Clara up with hot chocolate back in their TARDIS. Somehow they all end up playing board games and Mario Kart until the storm passes and Twelve and Clara can be on their way, and the universe doesn't implode. A cute oneshot of banter, fluff, and as much bickering as to be expected.


**This started as a Christmas thing, and then wasn't (which is actually a little evident in the story itself).**

 **A post on Tumblr talked about how great it would be for Six and Evelyn to meet Twelve and Clara, and I was so taken with the idea that I simply had to run with it, and I've had a _lot_ of fun with these four. This oneshot contains my favourite line of dialogue I think I've ever written. (It's Evelyn's, and feel free to guess which one it is!) **

**Enjoy! And Happy New Year!**

* * *

"All I'm saying is that this was a bad idea."

"Don't be ridiculous, Clara, this was a brilliant idea, it just hasn't worked yet."

Clara rolled her eyes at her owlish friend and kept following him through the foot and a half of snow they were trudging through, even though she was becoming more sure by the second that it wasn't the smart thing to be doing.

He had promised her a Christmas planet, but there were none of the promised giant Christmas trees or pudding factories in sight. Actually, there wasn't anything in sight. The only thing around them was snow, and a few lovely cliffs. Or, they would have been lovely if Clara hadn't become fairly irritable by this point.

The storm that was starting up really didn't help.

"Doctor, there's obviously nothing here," she said, scowling as the wind whipped at her and snow began to fall with a worrying speed, "Can we _please_ go back to the TARDIS? It's going to be a half an hour walk back as it is, and I'm _cold_."

"It's got to be here, Clara-"

"I don't care!"

"Well - hang on," the Doctor peered through the heavy snow that was quickly obscuring their vision and anything that might have been visible in front of them, "I think I can see someone. No, two someones."

"Great, they can carry me back to the TARDIS once I've turned into a human icicle!" Clara remarked. "Doctor, please-"

"Hello there!" A voice called out, and sure enough, it belonged to one of the two figures that was getting closer. "You seem to be having a frightful time of it!"

"Yeah, could be better!" Clara replied, wrapping her all too thin coat around her tighter.

"Yes, we've apparently taken a bit of a wrong turn ourselves," another voice said, and the Doctor stiffened next to her, though she didn't know why, "Still, these things do happen."

"But mainly to us, thanks to you," the first voice said with exasperation.

"Not now, Evelyn."

"Clara, you're right, we should go back to the TARDIS," the Doctor muttered, turning to look at her seriously.

"What, the moment something interesting happens? Not likely," she scoffed.

Finally, the strangers were close enough to see properly. One was a man in a monstrosity of a rainbow coat partially hidden under a fluffier blue one, and his companion was a woman of similar physical age to the Doctor, bundled up quite nicely in a woollen hat, scarf, and warm coat.

The man seemed familiar, in a way that nagged at the back of Clara's mind.

He met eyes with the Doctor, and then straightened up, a sort of recognition flashing in his eyes. "Ah," he said, frowning.

"Was your face always that round?" The Doctor asked him, frowning back.

"Well, not _always-_ "

"You know what I mean."

"Yes," the stranger replied, clicking his tongue with annoyance, "Though I don't see what that has to do with anything, thank you."

"I quite agree," the woman next to him said, "What are you two doing out here?"

"What are _you_ doing out here?" The Doctor asked her.

"I believe I asked first."

"We were looking for Christmastown."

The other man blinked. "Well, so were we! But there's nothing here, so I can only conclude that we've arrived a few centuries too early. And it would seem, so have you."

"When were you aiming for?"

"A few centuries after it establishment. You? Assuming you were in fact trying to reach the same destination."

"First century after its establishment, _before_ they put the cat parade in," the Doctor remarked sourly, "Either way, we've both bollocked this one right up."

The talk of time travel clued Clara in to the identify of the stranger that hadn't quite clicked before that. "Doctor!" She said excitedly, grinning at the round faced man, who seemed quite taken aback at her addressing him as such.

"You're a quick one," the younger Doctor said, somewhat suspiciously.

"Long story."

"I see."

"You know him?" Evelyn asked her, surprised.

"Well, not yet," Clara answered, to the apparent vague amusement of Evelyn's Doctor.

"Evelyn, allow me to introduce...myself," he said, sweeping his arm in the direction of Clara's Doctor, who gave the older woman a small smile.

"Hello, Evelyn Smythe."

" _Yourself_?" Evelyn repeated, plainly bewildered. "Hold on. How do you know my surname?"

"If you recall what I told you of my race's ability to change our physical appearance in times of peril, Evelyn, it should not be too difficult for you to wrap your head around the fact that this man is a future version of _me_."

"Yes, I remember," she said quietly, frowning as she thought it over, "But knowing it in theory is incredibly different to seeing the reality." She tilted her head at the older Doctor. "Are you _really_ my Doctor?"

"Did we _really_ end up in the Tower of London, twice?" He retorted.

Her face broke out into a smile. "Oh, Doctor, it really is you, isn't it?"

"Nice to see you again," he said.

"Is it? Good." Evelyn looked back to Clara, who was fairly sure her nose was going to be falling off soon if the lack of feeling in it was anything to go by. "Well, we haven't been introduced."

"Yeah, manners not really their strong point," Clara said.

Evelyn chuckled. "No." While the Doctors both bristled at the comment and agreement, she held out her hand for Clara to shake. "Evelyn Smythe. And you are?"

"Clara, Clara Oswald."

"Well, Miss Oswald, you look absolutely frozen to the bone, and which makes me think you've been walking for some time, and our TARDIS is barely five minutes away. I think we should all go back there and have some hot chocolate."

"Clara's fine," the schoolteacher said, "And that sounds amazing."

"Now, I'm not so sure that's a good idea-" The younger Doctor started to say, only to be interrupted by his companion.

"Nonsense, this poor girl isn't going to get hypothermia on _my_ watch," Evelyn told him firmly, "I'm sure that their being here isn't good for that Web of Time of yours, or whatever it is, but if the universe hasn't blown up yet then I'm sure we've a bit more leeway. Now come on, it's time we were all inside until this dreadful storm has passed."

With that, she put an arm around Clara and directed her back the way she and her Doctor had come. The two Doctors were left with no choice but to follow behind.

"So, how did you fall in with the space menace himself, Clara?" Evelyn asked her as they walked.

"Well, saying that it was complicated would be the understatement of the century, but basically he saved me from this wifi that was uploading people's minds-"

"Er, sorry, wifi?" Evelyn blinked at her curiously, making Clara pause.

"Oh, um...what year are you from?"

"Two thousand."

Clara laughed awkwardly. "Ah. Yeah. You're not quite there yet. It's an internet thing, you'll see. Handy when it's not helping weirdos murder people. Anyway, he saved my life, asked me if I wanted to see some planets, and here I am. Lot more to it than that, but that's the short version. What about you?"

"Well, he was tracking some kind of time anomaly that turned out to be me, and then we had to go back in time to stop me from being erased from existence."

"Sounds fun," Clara said sarcastically.

Evelyn snorted. "It was what one might call a harrowing day."

"Couldn't you say that of most days with him, though?" Clara asked, and Evelyn just chuckled and nodded as they came to the blue police box standing out against the white of the snow all around them.

They waited for the Doctors to catch up and for Evelyn's to let them in. The four of them piled inside, and Evelyn and the younger Doctor were quick to take off their heavy coats. Upon seeing the full fashion fiasco that was the rainbow coat, Clara had to laugh.

He seemed rather offended. "And just _what_ are you laughing at, young lady?"

Clara sniggered. "You have to ask?"

Evelyn laughed with her. "Oh, I like her, Doctor," she said to the grey haired man, who smirked a little. "Now, dear, let's get you warmed up. I think a blanket and one of my hot chocolates will have you right." She put her arm around Clara and led her out of the console room and down the corridor. "You know it's just typical of him, to end up in a place so early that the destination doesn't yet exist. The number of times it's happened…"

* * *

The Doctor had not anticipated his day going quite like this. All he had wanted was to take Evelyn to Christmastown and show her the cat parade they had there, and hopefully find some nice Christmas puddings for the two of them to enjoy.

Instead, he had run into a future version of himself - with some extremely questionable eyebrows - who had used their initial exchange to vaguely insult him. And then Evelyn had taken his young companion under her wing which had landed them all back in his TARDIS, where they absolutely shouldn't all be.

"I suppose we'd better go and make sure they stay out of trouble," he said to his older self, sighing.

"You're just worried they're going to bitch about your coat."

The Doctor gaped at him. "I am _not_! But if they _were_ to do such a thing, it would be extremely rude of them and I would feel more comfortable being present to defend myself."

"I can't _believe_ I used to be you," the other him replied, shaking his head and leading the way out of the console room. He apparently remembered the way through the old layout - or else hadn't yet changed it, though that seemed unlikely - because he had no trouble navigating the stark white corridors.

When they reached the kitchen, Clara was wrapped in a blanket and leaning against the counter with a mug of hot chocolate in her hands, and she and Evelyn were already looking thick as thieves.

"Wait, so you're a history professor?" The younger woman was asking.

"Oh, yes," Evelyn replied, smiling and then nodding towards her Doctor, "This one first made my acquaintance by interrupting one of my lectures."

"Sounds about right."

"Needless to say, once everything was sorted with that horrid time anomaly business, I wasn't going to pass up the chance to do a bit more time travelling. To be able to see history itself...no one in my field in their right mind could ever turn that down."

"No, wouldn't have thought so," Clara said, and then grinned, "It's just funny, because I'm an English teacher."

Evelyn's face lit up. "Are you really? How wonderful. Look at the two of us, peas in a pod, we are."

"Bossy, tiny, scary academics," the older Doctor muttered. "Sounds about right."

"Yeah, and our walking space disasters, old punk rocker who dresses like a homeless person and the fashion fiasco of the Seven Systems," Clara retorted.

The younger Doctor was _immensely_ offended by that statement, even if his companion was far too busy choking on her hot chocolate due to laughter. to defend him - not that she would have anyway. "Excuse _me,_ Miss Oswald, but-"

"Mind you," she continued, looking back to her own Doctor, "At least he didn't actually also take clothes _from_ a homeless person in addition to later dressing like one."

Evelyn and her Doctor both lifted eyebrows at Clara's, who bristled.

"I gave him my watch," he said defensively. "And I will not take criticism from the woman who was nearly caught _canoodling_ with Jane Austen at her family's Christmas party."

The younger Doctor and Evelyn lifted their eyebrows in perfect unison at a now blushing Clara.

"Shut up," she muttered, "It wasn't even bad."

Her Doctor scoffed. "You had your hand up her dress! If it hadn't been _me_ that walked in-"

"I'm sure it was an interesting evening for all, but I'm also certain there are better topics of conversation than Miss Oswald's personal affairs, whether they be with notable historical figures or not," the younger Doctor said mildly, and Clara shot him a very grateful look.

Good, now perhaps she was feeling a bit guilty for saying such rude things about his coat.

"You know, I think I actually just remember one person trying to tell me that they were sure Jane Austen had a secret female lover, but no one thought the idea had any traction," Evelyn mused. "I don't imagine anyone would have guessed it was a woman from the future who was friends with an alien with a time machine."

"Moving _on_ , Evelyn," her Doctor insisted, eyeing Clara's burning cheeks.

"Yes, yes," Evelyn replied, flapping her hand at him, "It's fine because I'd had a much more important thought anyway. Since we were both aiming for Christmastown, we should do a Christmas here in the TARDIS instead."

"What, with them?" He asked, aghast.

"No need to sound so thrilled about it," Clara muttered into her mug, and he winced.

"My apologies, Miss Oswald, I didn't mean to insinuate any less than cordial feelings, even if you've not offered me much of the same consideration," he told her, scratching his ear, "I'm simply not sure how much of a good idea it is for him and Ito remain in such close proximity for an extended period of time."

"Like Evelyn said, surely if the universe was going to implode, it would've happened by now."

"She's got a point," Clara's Doctor told his younger self.

"That being said," the schoolteacher continued, making a face, "I'm a bit sick of Christmas at this point. We've been doing it for about a week straight."

"I thought you liked it."

"I did, but I think I've also had enough. So could we do something else?"

There was a long pause, before Evelyn's Doctor, a thoughtful look on his face, stroked his chin. "Well, I do have some _excellent_ board games."

Clara grinned, apparently pleased that he no longer opposed to spending time with them. "Yeah? That'd work."

* * *

They started with ones they all knew. First came Pictionary. Each human went with their version of the Time Lord, and Clara was surprised to learn that hers was a rather talented sketcher.

Evelyn wasn't so lucky.

"A waffle?" She guessed, frowning.

"A _waffle_?" Her Doctor - who was apparently version number six - repeated indignantly, with utter disbelief.

Clara had to smother a snigger at his face and focus on the drawing she was being offered, which was of a line of cars. She crinkled her nose thoughtfully.

"Like a drive-through or something?"

Her Doctor, Twelve, shook his head, but there with a frustration that made her think she was close.

"Well, why not a waffle?" Evelyn was asking Six with a level of indignation to match his. "You've got all these little squares within this large rectangle-"

"Traffic jam," Clara realised, turning to her Doctor to check on her guess and letting out a whoop when she saw him grinning and nodding. "Oh yeah. Still got it. Me and Artie Maitland used to annihilate Angie and their dad, you know."

"I believe you," her friend said. Meanwhile, his other self and companion were not having such a pleasant time of it. They were both looking immensely frustrated.

"Traffic jam? Really, Doctor, why didn't you just draw a car?"

"I might have gotten to that, if you hadn't distracted me with a guess as ridiculous as _waffle_!"

"So you're admitting that with all of your superior alien intellect, you're prone to becoming completely distracted from the task at hand by the sheer mention of breakfast food?" Evelyn asked him incredulously.

Clara, after a second of just staring, collapsed into giggles, and couldn't stop even when Six glared at her and Twelve snorted. Thankfully, it drew focus away from Six and Evelyn's argument, so they were able to go into the next round.

Problem was, Clara's best friend might be a talented artist, but she was not. She was an _English_ teacher for a reason, after all. The word she and Evelyn had to draw was 'loveseat'. In her gut, she just knew that this wasn't going to go well.

Once the tiny hourglass had been tipped over, the females got to work sketching as quickly as they could while their Time Lords tried to peer over their shoulders. Clara knew that the best way with her Doctor was to be as literal as possible. She sketched what she would consider a loveseat and then put a big heart around it.

"Why is there a heart?" Twelve asked her, frowning deeply at it. "That doesn't look very realistic-"

"It's not about realism, it's about what it means," she told him. A glance sideways informed her that Evelyn was drawing a couple on her loveseat with hearts around their heads, and Clara had to admit it was a fairly good drawing.

"Are they in love?" Six asked his companion, who nodded.

"Come on, Doctor," Clara told Twelve urgently.

He examined her drawing again. "There's a heart, and a chair. A heartchair. No? Heartsofa? I know planet that has _only_ heart shaped sofas, we should go sometime-"

Clara's head fell into her hand as she groaned with exasperation.

Next to her, Six was still running his mouth too, but with more accuracy. "In love, on a bench...no, not a bench? Well, it's some kind of chair - _oh_! A loveseat!"

"Yes!" Evelyn said, beaming. "Well done!"

"A loveseat?" Twelve repeated, his brow furrowing. "What kind of rubbish thing is that? Is it a seat that can only be sat on if you're in love or something equally ridiculous? How could that possibly-"

"Shut up, Doctor," Clara said, rolling her eyes.

Despite that hiccup, they went on to win Pictionary, though not by much. The next game they picked - or rather, that the humans picked because they knew they wouldn't be denied it - was the Game of Life.

" _The Game of Life_?" Six read, with horror. "You must be joking."

"Why would we be?"

"Because this - this whole concept is preposterous, as if life can be summed up by college and a job and a relationship-"

"I don't know, sounds very human to me," Twelve muttered, only to get elbowed in the ribs by his companion.

"Just pick a car and shush," she told him.

That wasn't as easily done as it was said, because the two Doctors immediately fought over who got to have the blue car, not stopping until Clara claimed it for herself to end the argument. After that, the game started well enough, until Clara got the card that gave her the occupation of Doctor. That didn't go down terribly well with either Time Lord.

"Why do _you_ get to be the doctor when you already have the blue car?" Six complained, likely not realising how whiny he sounded. "That hardly seems fair, Miss Oswald."

"Because, as you will one day find out, I make an excellent Doctor, thank you very much," Clara told him smugly. "And please call me Clara. Now, go on, it's your go."

He ended up as a policeman, which he grumbled about. But they weren't in real trouble until he reached the part of the game that meant he had to get married.

"I simply don't see why this is necessary," he protested while Evelyn snatched his yellow car and shoved a tiny pink marker into it.

"It's just part of the game," Clara told him. She had already passed that point and had a tiny pink plastic wife in her car with her - who was definitely _not_ named Jane in her head, as that would be silly and fanciful. "Now spin again."

Her own Doctor stuck a wife in his car with zero complaint. He'd been given the entertainer job, which he was fairly happy with ("Well, you do play a pretty mean electric guitar." - "Does he really? This one just keeps insisting on singing Arthur Sullivan." - "Just _what_ is wrong with my singing, Evelyn?").

It wasn't until a bit further on that Clara caught Twelve eyeing his red car pensively.

"What's that frown for?"

"Can I trade the money in for more wives?" He asked.

Clara stared at him. "Do you need more than one?"

He made a face. "Well, no, but it always seems to happen anyway," he said, shrugging, "Seemed like it might be easier to just ask."

"This inane game requires money to win, not wives," Six told him, rolling his eyes. "That, at least, makes sense. At least money can be occasionally useful - _ow_!"

Evelyn had whacked him.

"I don't know, take it from me, wives can be pretty handy at times," Twelve disagreed.

Six shot him an unimpressed look. "I dread to think how you apparently have enough experience to know that." When Evelyn was still seemed annoyed by his condescending attitude, he added, "Although I admit that wives, even if they aren't mine, are probably exceptionally useful in circumstances that are also not mine."

The others lifted their eyebrows at him.

"Or perhaps the point was in fact that wives aren't for being useful, but rather to be simply themselves," he amended, sheepishly scratching his ear.

Appeased, the others turned back to the game. Evelyn, who had happily gotten the teacher job, nicked the top salary card off Clara near the middle and won by a large margin (but not, she was quick to add, without a husband and two children she didn't need).

Six lost but was already so entirely done with the game that he couldn't care less. (Or so he claimed. Clara wasn't entirely inclined to believe him.)

There was one more game that Clara knew she just _had_ to suggest. If only because she was fairly sure she would be able to win.

"Mario Kart?" Twelve asked, surprised. "That's not a board game, Clara."

"I know, but it'll be fun." She turned to Six, who to her relief, while not bouncing with joy at the suggestion didn't seem at all against it either. "Do you have it?"

"Yes, I believe so," he said thoughtfully, "I'll have a quick look." Sure enough, he dug the white console out of a cupboard near the television which domained the wall at the other end of the room. "Aha!"

"Is anyone going to explain this 'Mario Kart' to an old bird who hasn't got an earthly clue what you're all talking about?" Evelyn asked airily.

"An earth classic," Six said, smirking, "I can't promise you'll enjoy it, but it should be interesting all the same."

They relocated, Evelyn and Six taking the sofa while Twelve sat cross-legged on the floor in front of them. Clara set the console up and handed out the controllers, before deliberating on where she was going to sit. She nearly sat by her Doctor, but chose to sit on the other side of the one on the couch.

It was a little bit of a squeeze, but the fabric of his coat was surprisingly soft, and so was he.

He lifted an eyebrow at the diminutive brunette now slightly pressed to his side. "Comfy, are you?" He asked her.

She just grinned. "Yep."

"Can we race now?" Twelve asked them, looking mildly grumpy at the fact that his companion was giving her attention to his other self and not him.

After quickly explaining to Evelyn how to play, they started off with Clara's favourite track which was Mushroom Gorge, simply because she always loved bouncing across all the mushroom tops.

It took only three races for it to become obvious who was good at the game and who wasn't. As Clara had expected, Evelyn was no good at it due to having no experience _or_ natural affinity, though her commitment to putting in a good effort was impressive. Six, for all his interest in playing the game, wasn't much better, yet always seemed surprised when he continuously finished near the back.

But she hadn't accounted for her own Doctor. He was possibly the best Mario Kart player she'd ever seen, lapping his previous self and companion easily and finishing in first place every time.

"How are you so good at this?" Clara asked him incredulously.

"Yes, I'd quite like to know that too," Six muttered.

Twelve just grinned. "You know how I mentioned wives being useful? _Some_ are very competitive and insist on endless Mario Kart tournaments that involve having to get very good very quickly for fear of being left in the virtual dust."

Clara lifted an eyebrow. "River?"

"She was _brutal_ ," he said, smirking.

"Again, I don't want to know," Six said loudly, while the others just ignored him, "Assisters in Mario Kart prowess or not, I don't think I can approve."

"She's not really the sort _anyone_ can approve of, let alone us," Twelve replied, "Now shut up and focus on driving, you've ended up going backwards and it's secondhand embarrassment on a whole new level."

"Who keeps putting these blasted banana peels on these roads?" Evelyn asked with great frustration as her car slipped over one.

"Oh, er, that would be me," Six admitted, "Sorry, Evelyn. All's fair in Mario Kart and war."

"Hmph."

* * *

When it came time for them to leave, Clara was actually rather sad to go.

"It was great to meet you," she told Evelyn once they came to the console room, pulling her into a quick hug which the other woman enthusiastically returned. She smelt comfortingly of cake and hot chocolate, a bit like Clara's gran. "And I'm sorry about Mario Kart."

"It's quite alright, Clara," she said, smiling at her, "Unlike everyone else here, I'm not a sore loser."

"I take offense to that statement," Six protested, but they just shushed him.

"It's good to know he's in good hands in the far future," Evelyn said to Clara, her eyes drifting to Twelve, "And that his fashion sense improves somewhat."

"I'm not so sure space hobo is _much_ better than Joseph, but yeah, he's alright. I might keep him."

Twelve's large eyebrows went up, but he didn't seem to mind the statement if his lack of retort was anything to go by. He just moved to stand in front of Evelyn, body awkward but eyes warm.

"It was good to see you again, Evelyn," he told her sincerely, and she was hugging him before he could do anything about it. His hands were as awkward as they had been in the early days of his hugs with Clara, but he gently rested his head on top of Evelyn's and briefly shut his eyes, seeming to quietly enjoy the moment.

"It was good to see you too, and certainly an interesting experience," she said, smiling, "Take care of yourself, will you?"

He smiled back, crookedly. "Yes Ma'am."

Clara approached Six, unable to keep the grin off her face. "It's been fun," she said, and he seemed a bit incredulous but tentatively smiled back.

"Yes, I suppose it has, hasn't it?" He held out a hand for her to shake. "Well, goodbye, Clara-" Clara ignored the hand and surged forward to hug him as tightly as she could. Although he briefly froze with surprise, it wasn't long before he relaxed and his arms curled tentatively around her.

As she suspected, he was indeed _very_ cuddly and nice to hug. She breathed in the pleasant smell of his awful coat and basked in the soft warmth of his arms as long as she dared.

Finally, she pulled away.

"Goodbye, Doctor," she told him, her grin still in place.

He was still smiling as well, even more widely than before. "Goodbye, Clara Oswald. I look forward to meeting you properly."

"You'd better."

The two Doctors just exchanged a nod before the older of the two and Clara stepped out of the TARDIS door and into the sunlight and shallow snow that was left in the wake of the storm.

"Will he - did you remember that, at all?" Clara asked him as they began their long walk back to their own TARDIS.

"I can't remember."

She came to a stop and blinked, frowning at him. "Is that...supposed to be a joke? Are you...trying to be _funny_?" When he didn't reply and simply kept walking, leaving her behind, she hurried to catch up. "Doctor? Seriously?!"

Honestly, sometimes, she just had no idea what to do with him. Surviving multiple hours with _two_ of him was shaping to look like a miracle in itself.

Still, it wasn't like she'd have her life any other way.

* * *

 **I've not written Six or Evelyn before, so I'd love to know if I got them in character (I hope so)! Thanks so much for reading, let me know what you thought! Hope this was as fun and cute as intended.**

 **-MayFairy :)**


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